New beginnings.....

I decided to start one of these things, not necessarily to vent or for my own benefit, but to keep others updated on whats going on, because I have enjoyed reading my family and friend's blogs and thought it would be nice for them too.

So what many of you already know is that I have gotten back together with my ex-boyfriend Jason. I could not go on for the rest of my life wondering "what if"...What if we could be together and it could be wonderful...What if I spend the rest of my life wondering "what if" and never get an answer because I did not take another chance....What if I start a relationship with someone else, even getting married, and not being happy because of not knowing the answer to the question I have had in my mind everyday for over 3 years....

So I took that chance and reached out to Jason, his response was exactly what I wanted and needed. After knowing each other for 7 years, dating for about 3 years of that 7 and both of us now coming to the conclusion that we both knew from the beginning that we wanted to be together, we just had a lot of trouble along the way, Jason moved down from upstate New York during the week of Thanksgiving. So far it has been a wonderful and challenging new beginning. Its strange how well we get along, we can sit quietly next to each other without having to say anything and just be comfortable and content with each others company. This is something I have never had with anyone else, I can be myself, totally 100% myself around him and I know he loves me because of who I am. We don't have to be fake, nervous or try to impress each other, which is what I have felt in many other relationships.

So, in a nutshell, things have been going well so far. Recently I have not been one to depend on others for anything or ask for help even when it is needed. I have a "it has to get done, so I am going to do it type attitude", which can get me in trouble sometimes. Since we are living together at the moment it has become more of a challenge to take on not only my needs, but make sure his are met as well. He has been very helpful around the house and I am starting to get into the flow of not only living with someone, since I have not had a roommate in quite a few years, but also being in a real relationship, since I have not been in one of those for awhile now either. I have embraced the role of nurturer/care taker and feel like this is what I have been lacking for awhile, a person to focus my energy on and help me continue to be a strong, successful and more emotional person. I have gone too long holding back my feelings and not being open to love and trust that being able to release it and express myself in that way again has been very rewarding.

I know my family and friends are worried that this will end the way it always has in the past, but this time it feels different. I have been happier than I have been in a long time. Jason and I can only take one day at a time and the actions that both of us make today creates a new past that will help predict our future. I guess the purpose for this post is so that people stop worrying and know that we both learned from our mistakes and we are ready to have the life together that we both have been wanting for a long time. Sounds cheesy, I know....